Monday, November 10, 2003
  Hmm here's a little follow-up to Saturday's post since I got a lot of feedback on my flagging libido. I don't know if I didn't write that one well enough or what, but my sex drive was NOT what I was lamenting back there. What was really bothering me (and, let's be honest here, what is STILL really bothering me) was the fact that my child-bearing years are behind me, and I've come through them without a child. I don't know if anyone but another woman in this particular situation can grasp this, but even though I've gone through my twenties and most of my thirties not wanting, needing or even THINKING about children, still the thought of now never having one of my own; never feeling that form and quantity of love is hard to bear. It's like a loss. It's like a death. I can't really describe it in any other terms. Selfish? Oh you betcha. I have neither the resources, nor the maturity nor even the true DESIRE for kids. All I have is the nagging ache at the back of my heart and the thought that I have missed something very, very important.

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