Saturday, November 08, 2003
  Missing - Reward A few years ago I can vividly recall wanting to jump on top of whomever was available and have my way with them. If you want to be crude about it, I was as horny as a bunny in heat. Now, however, my jumpy hormones seem to have receded, and I am left with a fairly deflated feeling. Not that I enjoyed being led by them, but I certainly enjoyed the fun while it lasted. So..Why didn't it last? It's as if all my estrogen got together and went "Right! We'll SHE'S no use." Having a child at my age would be no small feat, and alas I think that all my early 30's horniness was a simple attempt by my body to have a child while it still safely could. Now, it being too late, the need and desire for constant sex is swiftly fading to be replaced by a general feeling of sadness...emptiness. Whether these feelings are my thought processes run amok or actually my body saying goodbye to any chance for blood progeny, I don't know. Either way, it sucks. I have no desire to subject a child to my f*ed up world and yet.... Yet, It's like I already really miss it.

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